New Moon in Pisces: A Musing of Sorts

In 46 minutes, it will be the New Moon in Pisces. And this New Moon is asking us to step into how we’re feeling. So, I’ll step into how I feel. 

Right now I am feeling  upset. It’s a type of upset-ness that I find quite hard to articulate. I will tell you it comes equipped with a stewing in my gut-space, and a general sense of impatience. 

And it’s funny how when things feel busy and not at all cozy, and moreover, uneasy– that within these raw moments, we want answers to all the questions that we’ve ever had. It’s almost as if there’s this overriding thought that if I don’t figure it out now, then I’ll find it out never; and of course, I mean, this isn’t true. Somewhere inside me knows better. So how do I come back to that? 

First, I know I need to pause. And so, I take a quick  pause, to my upset-ness’s dismay. Then, I drink a sip of cold water, and take a glance at my candle, and notice its flame. Now, I think I’ll take a deep breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Oh, and here comes my thoughts once again, they say "I can’t breathe and I can’t do it right and will I do it righ–" I take a breath, anyways. 

Okay, I’m not great, but here we are; here’s a start. Here’s my dog. She swaggles up to me with her curled white tail and brings a bone she wants me to see. I look at the freckles on her face, and the dark fur around her eyes. She always looks like she’s wearing the perfect cat-eye eyeliner. Her snout is speckled with ashy-hued spots, and I love how she wiggles her nose, just a tad, to get a good whiff of my candle. She lays down under my coffee table, and makes a little grunting noise. I wonder why she’s making that noise- and look over at my cat who's bathing himself on his little flower shaped, lavender bed, where he likes to reside. I think about that one time when I wanted a cat, and hadn’t found him quite yet, and how I’d wish that he’d feel safe and comfy here, in my home with my big dog and lil’ ol’ me. 

And my feelings of despair and confusion somehow now don’t feel as relevant as they did when I first started to write this. Maybe I don’t need to figure something out right now and make something better or discover all the answers to the endless riddles that dance in my head. Maybe I just want another sip of water and to listen to the sound of my keyboard, and my dog as she sighs. 

It’s the end of a very long day. The New Moon is here, and I’m here in my home. I hope that you have had a nice day, and that even if you haven’t you can take a moment here to notice where you are. To know that it’s okay to not have it all figured out, because who has it all figured out?

And I invite you to, wherever you are, take a  moment to pause and a moment to ground. Nothing is as urgent as we think it is. We always deserve to come back to ourselves. To the truth of what we know, at our core, beyond the thoughts, beyond the emotions, beyond the dismay. And I promise that you’ll be okay. And that that part of you, who resides at the center of your being–well, it always deserves your love.

And you always deserve to be Found. 

Happy New Moon in Pisces, my loves.

xo, Sarah